C'est la mort
by detective-smartypants
Summary: Hero is a funny word; especially when the hero isn't around to hear the praise they've been given. Especially when the hero had to give their own life to save other peoples. Especially when, no matter how many times Maura denied it, she was so proud of what Jane had done. She was so proud to call Jane Rizzoli her wife. Rizzles. Character death.


**Ok, so I can admit that I have an addiction to writing sad soppy stories. I was listening to The civil wars the other day and this song came on, which is one of my favourites. I decided that I needed to write this, once the idea was in my mind. **

**I don't know how you feel about such depressing stories, but hopefully it touches someone in a good way. **

I DON'T OWN RIZZOLI AND ISLES. 

_Swan dive down, eleven stories high, _

_Hold your breath until you see the light. _

With nothing but loss at the bottom of her heart, Maura stood alone in her guest room with the sound of a soft cello filling her ears. Her body felt heavy from the strain she had gone through and her mind was filled with dust. Gone where the days of 'Google talk' because now she felt that she had no one to direct those facts at. She had been sitting here for almost 3 hours now, alone in her own misery with the sound of the bow against the strings illuminating the pain she was feeling.

The cello was a beautiful instrument, with notes so low and distinctive that they could make even the coldest of hearts beat softly and warmly for a while. But now, here in this moment, they only made Maura hurt even more. She couldn't even tell which song was on, even though classical music had been her forte at one point in her life. Back in medical school, when she had only just started using a scalpel, Maura would listen to some classic composers in the practice room while she imagined helping those who needed her most. More than the living. Even now, in her very darkest hour, at the absolute bottom of everything, Maura felt a small connection only with those she had helped over the years.

But she couldn't help Jane.

_You can sink to the bottom of the sea just _

_Don't go without me. _

It had now been 3 months and Maura had been told that time would heal. She herself knew that grief was something people could live with. But this was like nothing she had ever experienced. Every day, she would wake up and be reminded of the pain that was constantly weighing her down. The usually quite composed young woman was currently in a place she thought she would never see. It felt like hell.

Everything hurt, absolutely every bone and muscle ached when she moved and the crying just wouldn't stop. It never felt possible for such an obscene amount of pain to come from anyone; especially not Maura Isles, the _Queen of hiding her emotions. _

Her mind cast a shadow over the present and directed her back to a moment the year before when they had realised the way they both felt about each other, how absolutely perfect she felt in that moment. No more hiding or lying.

_Jane had cried herself to sleep and Maura had listened from the other room as her best friend fell apart from the events of the kidnapping. They had spent the night on the couch avoiding the subject and it had given Maura a little hope that Jane could possibly recover from this event quite quickly, but now as she listened to the sobbing from the strong and brave detective, her heart fell to pieces. The next morning, before Jane woke up, Maura made her a breakfast fit for kings and brought it into the guest room before waking her up with a light tap on the shoulder. _

_They ate breakfast in bed that morning, they talked about stuff and even managed to have a conversation about how Jane was dealing with what had happened with Dominic, nothing too serious because Maura understood that it would take Jane time. _

_That day, when Maura got home from work, Jane was sitting on the sofa with a bottle of beer in hand, lost in thought. She took a seat next to her and smiled, before asking her what she was feeling, completely expecting to get nothing from the question, but Jane's reaction took her by surprise. _

"_I was scared last night, Maur." _

_Maura had taken her hand and looked her directly in the eyes. "I know, Jane." _

"_But I don't think you do. I was so scared, and not just because Dominic was hurting me, not just because I was tied up. I was scared because I knew that, had anything else happened, I would never get to see **you **again." _

_Maura smiled gently and patted her leg supportively. _

"_It sounds silly, never mind." _

_But it didn't sound silly, not to Maura. Maura, who had spent the past year of her life thinking about Jane, about how she managed to make her life a little easier, how she managed to pick her up even in her darkest moments. _

"_Jane, I want to hear it." _

"_I…you always know what to say Maur. You're always there; you always hold my hand when I don't let myself be weak around the guys. You just **know** what I'm feeling by looking at me. Last night, I thought it was over. I looked death right in the face and I thought of you. My mind, it went right to you…" _

_Jane took a shuddering breath and continued. "It's always been a little complicated, Maur. You're my best friend; I couldn't imagine life without you. But when I think about you, about what you mean to me, it's not like it should be. I feel like it's more than just a really good and strong friendship, you know?" _

_Maura leaned a little closer, she could smell Jane's coconut shampoo. _

"_I know." _

"_Do you though?" she said sternly, turning to face her with a few tears in her eyes. "It's not normal is it? I've never felt like this and I'm tired of lying about it…you make me so fucking weak, Maura. All the time, when I look at you, my knees shake." _

_Again, Maura leaned a little closer and smiled at the shine in Jane's tired eyes. _

"_It's so fucking exhausting. I'm tired, Maura. I just want to be honest, I just want you to feel the same way." _

_At this point, Maura was breathing against Jane's neck. The scent of her perfume made her skin tingle and made her feel a little dizzy. _

"_I just…I think…I think I'm in lo-" _

_Maura let her lips plunge into Jane's with a groan and when Jane didn't pull away, she ran a hand up her arm and let it rest in her tousled hair. Their tongues danced and their bodies moved with pleasure. The electricity made the hairs on Jane's neck stand up. All from one kiss. _

_When it ended, they looked into each others eyes for a few seconds before Jane smiled a little. _

"_I think it is more than friendship, Jane." _

A sob escaped Maura's body and she sat down on the cold hardwood flooring. She wanted that memory back, to hold Jane and feel her lips press against her neck. Everything wasn't how they had planned. Everything was gone, slipped through her fingers in the blink of an eye.

_Go get lost, where no one can be found _

_Drink so long and deep until you drown. _

She gripped the cold gun with her shaking hand and let a tear escape her eye at the feeling of the cold metal in her hand, her mind bringing her back to another memory that seemed a lifetime ago.

_Lying under the stars on top of a tall Boston building tangled in each others arms was where they felt right. There were no deaths or fights, no one was crying, no one was screaming. The air was light and the sky was filled with bright dots of glitter. _

"_You know, I don't think Fenway park will cut it, Jane." _

_Jane smiled and turned to face Maura with her hand still tangled in her hair. _

"_Yeah, we will have to meet in the middle, I guess." _

_They had been moving around the idea of getting married for a while now, but the decision had been made when Jane got down on one knee at a dinner with the Rizzoli's and Maura's mother. The wedding plans were well under way and it seemed that, although they were so different, everything was falling right into place. _

"_I think we should still hand out hot dogs though, like gourmet ones." _

_Jane chuckled and ran her hand up and down Maura's arm. "I think the beach would be nice…" _

"_really?" _

_Jane nodded and kissed Maura's neck gently. _

"_But I still don't know about a dress…I mean, a pant suit wouldn't be that bad, would it?" _

"_we can sort something out." _

_A moment of silence filled the air and Jane took a deep breath before sighing. "I don't know how I managed anything without you before Maur." _

"_I love you, Jane." _

"_no," she spoke in a serious tone now. "I've never experienced anything like this before, but now that I have it, I can't help but be scared it will be taken away from me." _

_Maura looked at her a little concerned now. "Especially in a job like this, you know? What if I royally screw it up, I've been known to do that. What if you realise how useless I can be? What…what if something happens…" _

_Maura took both of Jane's hands and kissed them both before looking back into her eyes. "I promise, Jane, I'll never leave you. As long as you never leave me." _

_Jane nodded and leaned in so that her head was touching Maura's and they looked at each other for a few moments before Jane said "I'm never going anywhere, not without you. Promise, we'll be together. Forever." _

Maura lifted up the gun and ran her hand along the metal, before taking a sip of her wine.

_Say your goodbyes but darling if you please _

_Don't go without me. _

With both her hands, she clasped her hands around it and took a deep breath. She had been meaning to return Jane's things, but every time she put a hand to the gun or the badge, she felt sick. She didn't want to be reminded of what had happened the last time Jane had been holding them, she didn't want to remember the pain in Jane's eyes, or the blood…she just didn't want to remember.

But now, in her home, on the floor, her mind wouldn't allow her to forget.

"_Maura, you can't come with me, this is a big bust up." _

_Maura sighed as she pulled on her coat and followed Jane out the house. "Listen, Jane. It's better that I come, just for assistance with medical issues, you know that." _

_Jane groaned and jumped into the front of the car. "okay, but you're not following me in there, I'll be fine." _

_The case had been going on for three months now, A serial killer had been haunting the streets of Boston, targeting young girls and leaving them in places for people to see. He had done absolutely everything he could to let his work be known and the case had been keeping Jane and the other cops up all night. Now, 12 murders later, Jane had cracked the case and they had found a lead as to where the suspect had been hiding away. _

_The plan was to go on, grab the guy and make the arrest, but that's not what happened. _

_Maura stood outside the large warehouse and hugged Jane tightly before she went in, and with one last glance she said "don't get made." With a playful wink. Jane went in first with her gun drawn, followed by Frost and Korsak and the other back up cops. The large empty warehouse situated in the Boston shipping yards was eerie and dark and Maura could smell the dampness surrounding the area. She sat down with a few other cops and waited on the bust to be made. But then one of the cops radio's beeped and Frost's frantic voice yelled down the line for back up. Inside the building, Maura could hear people yelling and moving about and she watched another three cops go in. _

_The first gunshot pierced the air in a sharp bang, making her jump back a little. _

_There was some more yelling. _

_She could hear Jane now, "PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, YOU BASTARD!" _

_Another Gunshot. _

"_I SAID PUT THE FUCKING GUN DOWN." _

_Maura's heart rate picked up and she moved slowly towards the warehouse, peering inside where she could see Jane with her gun to the suspect. They had him cornered, so what was the problem. _

_But that's when she saw her, the young girl that he was holding, his gun aimed at her temple. _

"_I'll shoot 'er!" _

_In one motion, everything shifted. It felt as though Maura had simply blinked and everything turned into a loud roar. Jane was flying through the air, the young girl was running out of the building. Frost and Korsak were running towards the suspect. Jane was on the ground. There was another gunshot. _

_All Maura remembered was the sound of her voice as she screamed, the weakness in her legs as she ran towards her wife, the sound of the shock as The suspect lay cold and dead on the ground. _

_She remembered leaning over Jane and taking her hand before placing it on top of the wound in her abdomen. The blood was spilling out so fast, she remembered the copper smell in the air, she remembered Jane touching her face and mumbling so quietly that she had to lean in to hear her. _

"_Don't be mad, Maur. I tried my best. I love you, It's forever. Hold out for more, Maur…don't give up…let 'em know how amazing you are…" her voice grew weaker with every word, her skin paler "tell Ma, Pop, Frankie and Tommie that I love 'em."_

"_I…I love you, Jane…" _

_That was it. Everything after then was blank. _

_Everything was finished. _

_Jane was gone. _

_**C'est la vie, **_

_**C'est la morte. **_

_**You and me **_

_**Forevermore. ** _

It was never easy to breathe after that moment; every breath she drew made the air feel so dense. She slept and slept to try and forget the moment her wife died in her arms, the moment her wife became the hero of Boston. Hero. That's a funny word; especially when the 'hero' isn't around to hear the praise they've been given. Especially when the hero had to give their own life to save other peoples. Especially when, no matter how many times Maura denied it, she was so proud of what Jane had done. She was so _proud _to call Jane Rizzoli her wife.

It didn't make her any less depressed though, nor did it make her change what she was about to do. She could no longer be the woman she once saw in the mirror, she could no longer laugh or smile or enjoy designer clothes. None of that meant anything to her in a life without Jane Rizzoli.

And so she sat, away from the world she once knew, with a picture of Jane in her hands and her cell turned off and some really beautiful music playing in the background. She had written a note for Angela, telling her that there was some money there for the family and that she was incredibly thankful for everything she had done for her in the past few months despite the fact that it was her daughter who had died. She lifted the gun to her temple and closed her eyes.

_**Let's walk down a road that has no end **_

_**Steal away where only angels treat **_

_**Heaven or hell or somewhere in between **_

_**Cross your heart to take me when you leave **_

_Don't go, please don't go_

_Don't go _

_Without _

_Me. _

There had been numbness and sadness over all those days without Jane; she had finally realised that there would never be another person who could make her feel that way. She wasn't ready to face that world alone, but as she held the gun to her temple, she realised that she wasn't ready to leave it either.

Maura couldn't explain what had made her change her mind that, only a few hours before, was so completely intent on the idea of joining her wife wherever she was. But there was something there, something that made her realise that living in a world without Jane to kiss or hug or joke with didn't mean that she was living in a world without Jane. She had memories that she could keep for the rest of her life and she had pictures to stare at for endless hours and, when she woke up in the morning every day, she had a feeling that Jane was right there next to her.

She never went without her, she never left her, because in Maura's darkest hours, Jane was right there beside her, leading her on without saying a word.

_**C'est la vie,**_

_**C'est la morte**_

_**You and me**_

_**Forevermore.**_

**You know what to do. **


End file.
